I’m starting to believe that complacency may be the most evil force in life.

Ive never tried this before. Ive always been skeptical of putting things in your hair to make it healthy because i figure, once its fried theres not really anything you can do to fix it but cut it. We’ll see how this goes…smells good though.

I’m too pissed to even try to sleep.

I finally get some sleep, I have such wild, and sometimes terrifying dreams, so when I wake up I’m even more exhausted than I was when I fell asleep.

My first (legit) painting was sold at an auction last night! I of course now have a problem packaging it to ship. I have such a hard time parting with anything…Even a doodle on a napkin gets tucked away into some stash box just to satisfy my pack-rat tendencies. But I’ll be making prints and selling those soon so hopefully I won’t feel too empty with out the original.

I’ve been lacking something in my life lately, maybe inspiration, maybe vitamin B-12 but Chris insisted I should start painting again.

He so lovingly took me to Joanns to stock up on art supplies but of course the one thing they didnt have was Canvas… So I decided to bring out the sewing machine till I can make a trip to the Supersized craft store up north. Let me just start out by saying, sewing is not for the faint hearted.. The Beast really whipped my ass today but now I think I’ve figured out all the bells and knobs. I attempted to make a wallet… Well, lets just say my wallet is more like a makeup bag without a zipper… But it certainly feels good to be creating again.

Sunday was Chris’s Mom’s Bachelorette party. But this was no ordinary party.
It was held on a YACHT that when to Catalina Island and back. It was the perfect day to go sailing (ha look at me, with my pretentious, I’m on a boat, boasting. What a bitch.) It was with his mom and all of her closest friends/family and it was really nice to finally get to know them on a more personal level in a laid back setting. Catalina was gorgeous and I am considering moving to the Island. There were dolphins that played in the wake of the boat and the water was so clear. It was all going so well too…

I’m usually very uncomfortable with his family. I mean, yes its been 4+ years but still its a matter of pleasing 10 or more people at once and I’m even uncomfortable dealing with my own family. I never want to step on anyone’s toes or say something inappropriate or out of line, which I tend to do when I ramble or when Chris isn’t there to hush my bluntness/socially retarded manor-isms. (I swear by the end of the night I must have offended each family member at least once.) I had a couple of glasses of Champagne with his cousins, which led everyone to believe that I’m some sort of wild child when Chris isn’t around but I think it was more them just being passive aggressive… I certainly wasn’t acting crazy,drunk. or out of line, I was just talking….A lot. Which led to me feeling alienated once again. I certainly wasn’t telling them they were all a bunch of drunks. No sir. I was quite polite, at that point at least…. But I don’t even want to bring up what happened at dinner…It just goes downhill from there.

So moral of the story, it doesn’t matter if you’re living the good life on a boat, people are still people.

I’ve been trying to think of just how to answer this question…But I feel that you asked with such disdain that I almost automatically want to disagree.

And I don’t think your question can be properly answered with a yes or no either. There are just too many layers to this question, I don’t even know where to start…

“I hate to see complacency prevail in our lives when it’s so directly contrary to the teaching of Christ.”~Jimmy Carter If you’re coming from a religious stand point then, no, I don’t agree with you. I don’t think we should strive for good for a god or any of that nonsense. I’m assuming this is not the case. But even so I don’t agree. It’s not the most disgusting thing in the world, well… I guess its debatable, but I do agree, that is if you are saying that a sense of sick self-righteous satisfaction in ones self/country or humanity can be a negative and nasty way to live. There are horrible repercussions that come with being contempt and satisfied with ones way of life, job, or political opinions. (But that is if you actually want to care about society and the earth. You could go existential and realize that in the end nothing matters and live a life of selfish indulgences and go on working your 9-5 to buy your fancy cars and forget about the O-zone…I’d personally rather utilize my time to the fullest while I can but I guess that’s a conversation for another day…)

“Complacency is a state of mind that exists only in retrospective: it has to be shattered before being ascertained.” ~Vladimir Nabokov

I think there are times when being cocky, confident and comfortable can be beneficial but there’s a limit. I don’t believe that anyone should do anything that will directly harm or inconvenience anyone else and I think people try to avoid accepting the cruel reality of current events. They often put too much faith into the media and not many strive to find the actual truth. I suppose it’s easy to get caught up in daily routines, personas/appearances, and bad harmful habits that affect not only themselves but the world around them. I do wish more people cared about the reactions to their actions(or non actions!) but C’est la vie. (& who am I to judge?)

“Don’t let your special character and values, the secret that you know and no one else does, the truth - don’t let that get swallowed up by the great chewing complacency.” ~Aesop

You said you think complacency is the most disgusting thing in the world but I really wonder what the underlying message is that you’re trying to express by asking me this. Maybe you should elaborate… Are you trying to say that I’m living in blissful ignorance, unaware of my flaws/lifestyle or unwilling to think outside my personal bubble? Because I can assure you, that is simply not the case.

“The unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates

Notes/Permalink

Was incredible!

I spent time with the people who really love me, which I truly needed.
Drank Champagne for breakfast and Sake for dinner (at a super fancy Japanese Resaurant with my family). I ate sushi till my stomach could take no more and I also was gifted everything I could ever ask for.

A new, Heavy Duty, Sewing Machine. (Here comes a life filled with DIY and homemade clothes.)
A new Canon Rebel T3. (That I’ve never put down since. No more shitty quality photos for me!)
And a Fiddle! (So be prepared for dorky violin cover videos)

The celebrations are far from over though! I’ve yet to flash my I.D. at a bar or stay out past Midnight so we’ll have to see what trouble I get into later. :3 
(And I still havent accepted the growing older against my will part, but thats what midlife crisis are for right? So I’ll just try worry about it then.)

Chris’s mom invited us to have dinner, Sunday night, at a fancy restaurant called Mastro’s Steakhouse, to celebrate my 21st birthday. (which was yesterday.) :3 I rarely pass up an opportunity to spoil my taste buds, and when it’s you’re birthday you’re usually given complimentary dessert so naturally, I agreed to go.

I spent Sunday morning at my mums, playing with Chula and all the other critters, thus resulting in me smelling rather…like a cadaver. Not to mention just how sweaty (yes, I know, lovely) I was because of the 100 degree weather we’ve been having lately. Being the lazy woman I am, I opted for dousing myself in perfume rather than showering. I also figured, shit, it’s a dark place and our reservations are for later this night, I won’t have to shave! I just put on a dress and pinned my hair up and that was that.

We had planned to meet at his moms house and then we’d all carpool to Mastro’s. So Chris and I arrive, we were running a bit late. (I waited last min to get ready and I had a fuckingfreakout because I rushed my make up and experimented with a new foundation that looked like shit and I just wanted to cancel. Ever have moments like that?)

We’re walking up the pathway to the front door and I notice the blinds are all shut. Which I first thought was odd because they’re usually wide open, but I figured his mom had shut them because we were about to go to dinner. Chris grabs the hide a key, which was also odd because I told him to just knock but he said “Hush.”

He jiggles the key in the door and pushed it open. His fat (and I do mean F-A-T) Labrador of course greets/rushes us in her routine bouncing and whining. I then look up at the entrance way/living room and hear
“SURPRISE!!!!!!!” Chris’s mom is standing there with my Dad, my closest friends, and the rest of Chris’s family that Im very close with. I’m in absolute awe. I just stared at them in shock and felt almost like I had stepped into the Twilight Zone. Once it finally registered that there were 20+ people throwing me a surprise party I of course started to cry like the emotionally charged child I am. I was literally shaking as I went around hugging everyone.

I had absolutely no idea this was going to happen. Chris and I spend pretty much every moment together, (We live together, work together, eat, sleep, and smoke together.) and somehow he managed to keep a secret and plan a whole party right next to me. He is the worst secret keeper too! (One year for Christmas he said, “I hope you like how it smells.” and totally blew the surprise of getting me perfume.) I just figured I would have sniffed him out! He did an incredible job. There was catered Mexican food, balloons, streamers, huge ass bowls of candy, and I was surrounded by the people I love.(Though I wish my Mum and bro could have made it.) but that brings me back to what I said earlier…. I’m now surrounded by people, unshaved and smelly as hell.

It was just so fantastic.

To move out of this studio apartment.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the endless supply of hot water (not that I ever have the energy to shower but it’s nice to know it’s there if I want it :3 ) and having my bed in the kitchen but I can’t seem to find the motivation to enjoy not being able to have a backyard to grow in, not having an oven/gas to cook with, living boxed in by walls I can not paint on, the lovely view of the 101 freeway, and not being able to play my music at a decent level of loud, due to being surrounded on all sides.